A Purposeful Marriage
Marriage is hard. Our culture paints a picture that its "hardness" isn't worth it, but it is entirely worth it.
Tack it up to my wife feeling called to share some of the grueling, painful, freeing, edifying things we've learned -- OR her sheer envy of my podcasting prowess (probably the former) -- but we decided to create some episodes together, and had a blast doing it!
They are:
Episode 1: "Things Marriage Taught Us" (~37 mins.)
Links to listen: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Anchor | Google Podcasts | Overcast | Stitcher
It's incredible how many things we didn't know about marriage coming in.
The thorns from our past.
The thickness of our prior hurts and habits.
The fears we simply had not yet faced, until pressure brought them into the sun.
When those things began to surface, we decided to stay, even when we hated what we saw, felt, and lost in the process.
Now, seven years into our marriage (still dealing with scars and hiccups and frustrations, of course), we nakedly share what those unveilings (and our staying) has unlocked for us.
It's been hard, but it's been good. We share some of the things (some funny, some extremely un-funny) that we would've died to know before tying the knot.
Episode 2: "When Marriage & Family Clash" (~54 mins.)
Links to listen: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Anchor | Google Podcasts | Overcast | Stitcher
When we got engaged (and soon after, pregnant), we moved from DC to Seattle to be closer to my family and "figure out the parent thing" (like that is feasible).
When Deacon (our oldest, now 6) came, things got rough with my family.
We had never had to set boundaries, and now needed them, to figure out who we were as a family (and where our minds were).
My family had never had boundaries requested, especially from their son.
We all had love, fear, hurt, and anger.
It got bad -- very bad.
I can't say it's fixed, but the pain pushed us (when we stopped pushed it onto each other) into the wondrous throws of counselors offices, Church small groups, and the homes of "strangers" who understood, who listened, who cared, and who loved.
We worked. We uncovered. We apologized. We healed.
We've learned that this is extremely common, and are constantly helping other couples deal with the hurts, form a game-plan, love while setting healthy boundaries, and working towards amends, forgiveness, and reconciliation (all different things -- we explain).
I cannot say that I have reconciled with my entire family from that troublesome year in Seattle, but I can confidently, gratefully, pure-heartedly say that I am pursuing reconciliation in a way that is responsible, sustainable, earnest, patient, and mature.
Old Chad simply couldn't have done that -- I was a kid.
That is the beauty of marriage: unavoidable pain, willingly submitted to, unlocking unprecedented growth and freedom.
Allow our blunt, sometimes comedic, always Chad-bashing exchanges encourage and equip you as you walk towards, wrestle with, and walk in your marriage. I cannot say with more a more serious tone how helpful these episode may prove to you.
Wrap-Up
Marriage is the cornerstone of our society.
It is where boys convert to champions, princesses grow into mothers, and where our next generation inherits their wiring. It is special and worth protecting. Even when it is hard -- trust me, I beg you -- let it work in you.
Don't quit. Your soul, your spouse's soul, and the future planned for you (a good one) rely on it to shift and move you.
These episodes are just our small contributions to that aim -- join us in fighting for marriage simply by listening.
Enjoy!
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To help build my brand? No. To help me equip and encourage more people just like you.
Feedback? Thoughts? I would love to hear from you! Email me @ chad@kanyer.co.
Keep growing!
